Ana Boot Camp: Day 1 - 500 calories (or less)

Today was fairly easy. This was expected. Considering last night was new years eve and I was at a party at my boyfriend's house filled with food his mother had made for him exepcially for the party, I proceeded to eat at leaste one of nearly everything in sight...good idea? bad idea? not sure. I couldn't help but follow the feeling of "well, you know as soon as the clock strikes 12 food will be a thing of the past."

Waking up at 2:30 in the afternoon helped in many ways as well. Without the option of breakfast due to my lack of consciousness and lunch really became more like dinner, my meal of the day consisted of the following...

1 small bowl of light Caesar salas : 110 calories

30 small red grapes: 60 calories:

1 mint moca (with the boyfriend): 320 calories

1 diet coke: 1 calorie

total: 481 calories


I'm very happy with the success of my first day. Not only does this give me already something to hold on to, but I have been re-introduced to a feeling that I have not felt in a long time: hunger. Hunger does many things to my brain; it gives me a high in and of itself, it allows me to feel controle over my body instead of it controling me, and it makes me feel thinner than i had a moment before :)

I've decided to start typing my blogs in my kitchen at night for two reasons. The first is that I am hungrier at night and typing this blog is something that i simply can NOT do while eating. AT ALL. The second is that my will power is weakest in the kitchen. The kitchen is something I have almost come to fear. So, by typing my blog in this kitchen when I am most hungry, I can allow my mind to learn to be around food without thinking of food as a threat. If i surround myself with my enemy I will soon learn to not fear it. This is a trick I learned from a friend of mine who is a recovering alcoholoic working at a bar. While working, he has no availability to drink, yet is surrounded by his weakness. He expressed to me while we celebrated his 100th day of sobriety over soy lattes that he fells now that he feels stronger and more sure of himself when he denies an offered drink at a party. '

Day 1 is over. 49 days to go. If I can go all fifty days on this diet, I will regain controle.

Stay strong, starve on.

~Anna