Ana Boot Camp: Day -1

There are several things in my life that could be considered less than good. Ana, or my anorexia, was never one of them. In the years I went through as a child, nothing ever brought me down faster or harder than to envision myself as thin as all my friends and to pass a mirror and realized that I was not, was no where close, and might not ever be.

Ana became my best friend by the time I was thirteen. She introduced me to food in a new way. It was not the comfort I had been seeking, nor the acceptance I had been craving. No, food was the enemy. Instead, I could find comfort in pictures of beautiful thin girls, girls who, Ana promised me if I listened to her, I would soon look like. I could be just as beautiful and happy as they are, if I can learn one simple rule. Shut my mouth.

Living with Ana was like living with a better version of myself. We even had the same name. Ana was everything I strive to be, everything i wanted to become. Confident. Beautiful. Happy. Loved.

I lost Ana after a few years.

I'm striving to find her again.

So, now, starting January 1st, I will begin my journey back to Ana, back to my anorexia, back to the only time in my life that gave me happiness. 50 day, one diet.

Ana's Boot Camp starts tomorrow.

~Anna